I’m sorry to everyone who had to endure my aimless writing in recent weeks, but please bear with me.
Pointless wittering, saying how positive or negative I’m feeling, excited, worried, frightened and thrilled.
I’ve found the last month increasingly hard. Last year was tough, but I found the marathons pretty easy as I knew I could do it, even running in the congo was straight forward as I had friends and support all around me.
Now I’m on my own, I’m petrified, not because of some of the challenges that lay ahead, more because I don’t know if I can do this and that’s the hardest thing for someone who likes to think they can do anything.
I’ve ran this race through my head so many times and I just want it to begin, everyday that passes I’m more anxious about what lays in store.
It’s funny (it isn’t funny at all) but pretty much everyone has support teams here, helping them out, getting them set, driving them round and patting them on the back.
I don’t have any of this close at hand. Yesterday I kayaked 20 miles, and then had to lug my kayak through town, with 7 days worth of food in it, it isn’t much fun. But it makes me feel independent.
I guess the reason I like to write is that I haven’t got anyone here to really talk to and flush the worries out. I’d love to be able to speak to my family and friends, but I can’t my phone is screwed and I can’t dial out to the UK. Instead I’m having to use social networking sites to communicate. I’m missing the voice of the people who have helped me get to where I am. I can deal with cuts and bumps, but not having the people you rely on when things are tough is difficult.
My mind flicks back to all the races I’ve ran and been fortunate to see the unshakeable support from friends along the way.
I’ve always appreciate this support, but now I really understand how powerful it is.
Whilst this race is those in the Congo and I’m very much dedicating my efforts to all those who have inspired, supported and put up with my desire to try.
Tanner – you frustrate me when you leave you’re cereal bowl out, but the words and drive you give me are something else. They have never gone un-noticed and never will.
Simon – thank you so much for the music, I know that this will keep me going at the dead of the midnight sun.
Dave – I’m sorry I can’t make Luce’s wedding, but I’ll be thinking of them both on Saturday and will take a picture at 1pm when they wed for them. The experience of cycling to Marrakesh gave me the buzz to go further and I’ve got you to thank for that.
Coop – the message you sent really made my day, it was immense. Messages like those are the things that will get me through, I won’t let a friend like you down.
Hardy – I wish I hadn’t given some of my protein shake to the hamster as I’ll need every gram now. I know we said last year we’d do this race and I’d love for you to be here. I could do with some Yorkshire chat along the way….”Ohhh buggar me paddles snapped”.
Goodall & Bender (not a couple, but make a very nice one all the same) I don’t know you both as well as I should. But it means so much that whenever I take something on, you to are the first to wish me well. You’ve always supported me and that means so much.
Nicola – thank you so much for the poem. I’ll keep that as my mantra as I paddle. Before getting your poem all I had as a mantra was me repeatedly saying ‘aaa’ in a Canadian accent over and over again.
Gog – what can I say, what you achieved last year was inspirational and I love constantly sparking ideas off you, I know we’ve got many more adventures to come. I’ve already got one up my sleeve.
There are many more I’d like to thank, but time is short, but I owe a debt of gratitude to many. A massive thank you to lach, Andy, steve, ursula, the eurobureau, maggie s, becky, matt, that guy from the chicken shop, shani, rhona, Women for Women, matty, mum and dad.
Time to put the pen down and pick the paddle up, because tomorrow I’ll be following the 500 mile yukon river to dawson city. I don’t know how long or how far it’ll be but when I reach it and I will, I’ll have the biggest smile and grimace on my face because I know I’ve given everything I have. This wouldn’t be possible without your help and the amazing people by my side. people used to travel the Yukon in search of gold, I won’t find any, but I’m lucky enough to have been surrounded by it with such friends.
See you at the finish line.